Though I must have taken part in the ritual at least thirty times, it still unsettles me. On Palm Sunday, worship begins with waving palms and sung hosannas, but minutes later you're hearing the passion narrative, all the way through the death and burial of Jesus. Next to this, the reversals of fortune in Greek tragedies appear cautious and tepid, albeit also more coherent. As my rector said today in her sermon, the structure of this festival just doesn't make sense.
However, it tells the truth.
One of the lessons of Palm Sunday is not to rest too comfortably in the plaudits of others, not to take the praise of our neighbors, however well deserved, as the final truth about ourselves. This isn't to suggest that there is never merit in our actions, or that we ought to shun any honor that comes our way. But allowing the esteem of others to define us tempts us to skip the difficult work of looking inside to see the full truth of who we are, and of who God would have us be. If we believe we have "arrived"--either because someone else has pronounced this or because one has attained the status commonly associated with fulfillment and happiness, why risk this by turning in some direction that would threaten our comfort or acceptance? When we attract praise, or even envy, we are usually in a pretty congenial place.
To stay there, though, is to cower in a small corner of ourselves. Beyond that corner there are good things, to be sure, but there is also darkness, and weakness, and pain. However, only by facing those things and passing through them do we find the light that shines in darkness, the strength that bears us up in weakness, and the healing that enables compassion for the pain of others. Only by looking within can we find the goodness beyond that others will allow us. Then we can accept the good opinions of others for what they are, take an accurate measure of the success we enjoy, and continue to grow beyond the limits imposed from within or without. All this applies equally to feelings or pronouncement of our inadequacy. It can be just as easy to cling to our sorrow or failure, although it's easier, most of the time, to recognize the problems with this.
Over the years, I've been knocked off one pedestal of "arrival" or another repeatedly, and it has usually unsettled me. I thought I had had it made, scholastically, professionally, socially . In reality, I was pleasantly distracted. I've also allowed myself to be anchored by certain sorrows or regrets. I chose to stay somewhere that was familiar and safe from challenge, though not comfortable. More recently, I've been sidestepping both my own and others' determinations about either the good or the bad in my life. I'm trying to be more open to all that I see, feel, and comprehend. It's fairly late in the game for this, but I've always been a slow learner in matters of the heart and soul. I might have speeded up the process had I paid closer attention to the schizoid liturgy of Palm Sunday.
Tags: Spirituality ; Christianity ; Palm Sunday
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