What bothers me most about these base and merciless assaults on my time and intellect is not that I do not have a penis and therefore don’t care about enlarging one, or getting Viagra at 78 cents a dose, or going on websites to watch “virgins getting it in the ass,” or getting “stiquff as a rodck in 60 secolnds.” It’s that they are so terrifyingly illiterate, and I'm not just talking about those deliberately misspelled subject headings intended to fool spam filters. I have the sneaking suspicion that 90 percent of this junk is coming from the students in the SAT prep classes that I teach. I want to email them back with corrected versions of their messages, and grades. F. F minus. F minus minus. Learn proper English, you fucking boneheads!
But maybe that’s not really what’s bothering me the most. Maybe what’s bothering me the most is spam’s blatant underlying, or overlying, message: Live your life getting something for nothing.
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