Vote With Your Fish

Fish are fun to catch and good to eat, but they have also become a weapon of choice in America's Culture Wars. A page at a UK academic's site offers a comic take on this. While this has been posted for a while, the message is (unfortunately) as relevant as ever.

Today, on automobiles all over America, the Fish Wars are raging. On a typical day an early morning commute can turn into a near-religious holy war as Jesus Fish cuts off Darwin Fish, Darwin Fish evolves to make the exit ahead of Jesus Fish, Jesus Fish invokes divine intervention to prevent Darwin Fish from finding the last parking spot. It's a never ending battle and Americans are joining the fray and choosing sides at unprecendented rates.

In true Darwinian fashion, the Jesus Fish has evolved into three separate species. The Plain, or Classic, Jesus Fish is the oldest and the common ancestor of all Jesus Fish. The first branch of the Jesus Fish genus came very soon in the Jesus Fish's history....

The new IXOYE fish was originally developed by writing the letters onto a Plain Jesus Fish. Usually the letters were written with a stick, or scratched into the fish with a stone. (Technical note: Since Jesus Fish aren't bound to Darwinian natural selection, Lamarckian genetics were employed which allowed a Plain Jesus Fish, which had IXOYE scratched onto it, to pass the writing down to its offspring.)...

During the Protestant Revolution, it was feared that each new Protestant group would design its own Jesus Fish. It is not well known but, Martin Luther himself had his own Jesus Fish design. Luther's Fish, pictured below, was sticking its tongue out, as if to say to the Catholic Church "BBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB"

The Luther Fish

Fortunately, unity prevailed in Fish design and today, each different denomination of Christianity embraces any of the three Jesus Fish species. The third species, of course, being the English language "Jesus" Jesus Fish which came into widespread use as Americans became more and more ignorant of any foreign language, especially ones with silly letters not found in the Roman Alphabet.

The basic shape of the Plain Jesus Fish can be seen quite clearly in all Jesus Fish species. Biologists and Automotive-ologists have determined that the basic shape of the various Jesus Fish, all have an aerodynamic quality perfectly suited to their environment - riding on automobiles.

Read the whole thing.

View all species in the Jesus Fish genus.

(The FTR Fish)